February 2012
24 posts
i really think i'm going to marry eita.
lately i’ve been watching everything he’s appeared in, he’s so adorably excellent.
I think that I would also like to carry out...
i’m making penpals with strange japanese people because i have way too much time on my hands and i feel like extending my world. i probably shouldn’t laugh at their english because i’m sure my japanese is equally as horrid. or at least, awkward. i will forever be stuck in that stage of speaking japanese like a joshi koukousei because that’s the point of my life where my...
we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too different we’re just too...
tell me, what are you passionate about?
i can see the end in sight, but i can’t bring myself to let go completely. i’m not sure how, honestly. i usually depend on others to break away first.
while i'm reminiscing
this was one of the best nights of 2010.
back when i was a pokemon trainer
i have such an impressive bruise from la dispute (i saw la dispute last night, it was amazing. and tomorrow night i will see them again.)
suzuki night market yo
watching
according to chekhov, once a gun appears in a story it has to be fired.
it's raining so much that everything is white
i love this weather, i really do. sitting here in my bathers and the street is flooding down the hill
today was the best day so far this year
waking up next to him, five hours of karaoke and the suzuki night market to say the least. somehow all of my problems have been erased in the past 24 hours. i feel so ridiculously content.
somehow he manages to always disappoint me
happy valentine’s day? i’m going into the city to eat up a storm with my best friends. romantic and no chocolates or flowers in sight.
i wish i was more like myself
when did i become so submissive to everything? i need to rectify this. i don’t feel like myself anymore; it’s like i’m too tired to fight at all. my personality at work is so unlike who i really am that it scares me. i need to quit before it consumes me. why can’t i find a job that isn’t detrimental to my wellbeing? la porchetta had me an emotional mess. moods is...
丁度１年間
帰ってから、丁度１年間。不思議だね。戻りたいなぁ、日本へ。
待ってください。
i kept smashing things -
work today was painful
let me correct myself; work is ALWAYS painful.
waiting waiting it seems that my entire life consists of waiting
i miss japan. i miss the isolation of japan, i miss being the only foreigner for miles, i miss the quirkiness and the snowfall in winter, i miss the ridiculous fashion and the cobbled streets and the efficient trains and the curious glances. i miss the ordered chaos, the pachinko parlours and purikura game arcades, the misused engrish and the billboards. i miss the solitude, the way people keep...
obviously i don't know what to do with myself...
third time writing you a letter, getting darker. i’m getting worse, and worse
i am slowly becoming the most anti-social person...
i don’t really go out, and when i do i hang out with my own company; to the extent where lately i’ve been going to shows by myself and on occasions talking to myself (in japanese, so i suppose it lessens the insanity). my behaviour is becoming increasingly reclusive. never before has my own company been so enticing; people in general make me tired.
the worry, the wonder, the...
i just want to run away to scandinavia.
when i have money, i will pack my bag and venture to unknown lands far away.
i really need to make a list of all of the places i wish to see in the world, because last week mum was asking me where i wanted to go on holiday this winter and i couldn’t answer. the two places that spring to mind instantly are peru or hawaii. family holidays are ridiculous. at this rate we won’t be going...
road trip
we managed to drive from sydney to melbourne this morning (5am start) in under 10 hours (excluding stops, of course. plus lunch and breakfast it took about 1.5 hours more). i will admit, i was slightly terrified of skidding when the rain started. an amazing five days had, of living out of a car, putting up the tent in a different place every night, alternating between eating out and attempting to...
January 2012
19 posts
at least i have city hunter to keep me company.
それでいいんです。
sick and drugged up with a blanket and lots of...
it feels like winter.
i’m going to sydney tomorrow for a road trip to see the harry potter exhibition and go surfing up the coast. all of our accommodation will be in tents. it’s going to be excellent. hurry up and get well, dammit.
is it possible to fall in love with someone purely...
today, i did.
his name is amazing.
he’s exactly the kind of person that i envisioned based on the name alone.
everything fits perfectly.
i don't think anyone understands how much i am...
with unwelcome possibilities, with their impact, with possible change. please, no.
i’m actually quite looking forward to winter, really, where i can be content with a steaming mug of coffee, a good book and a window. rugged up and daydreaming. if only it snowed in melbourne.
perspective is everything
something i’ve learned is that everything is always so much darker at night. come morning, there’s always hope. i hate the way i drown in the darkness with heavy thoughts. it’s a such a waste
Listen
i'm so naive, i'm so
two weeks of nothing but surfing and hammocks and...
crashing back into real life, it’s so disorientating
bordering on slight obsession when you keep intruding upon my thoughts.
i want to see you. i miss you. it’s been a while. do you think of me as often as i’ve been thinking of you lately? who even knows. i just wish to see you.
hammocks
overcome with so much love for the world right now
off to wilsons prom with the family. sun, surf, hammocks. cannot wait.
exactly a year ago, i was in ebisu, tokyo, re-enacting the scene from hana yori dango at ebisu garden place with mai.
戻りたい戻りたい戻りたい～
first time i've cried in twenty twelve:
just then, after watching a really sad japanese drama. it was really sad. i was sobbing.
this was it, actually:
it was a really cute scene where she was leaving for hokkaido and he’d just found her letter and realised that he couldn’t let her leave like that and was running after her and ended up chasing the bus cause he just missed her. actually, it was quite cliched. but...
i wish i had long way hair and ran around in flowing long dresses and barefoot, lived by the beach and didn’t own a mobile phone. that would be the life.
やっちゃった～
何も変わってないけど。大人になったんだろうか？まだ何も。
stayingcold asked: Thankyou for reading that! It's so hard to explain haha but I tried!!
なんか今の私はすごく嬉しくて、幸せだなぁ～
このままでいいんだけどね。
ずっとこのままでいれば..
December 2011
15 posts
slide.
thursday night turned to shit but the train ride home was one of the highlights of my night. i like the way you can cheer me up when i can’t even cheer myself up, distract me from solitaire and the silence that threatened to consume the carriage. it’s like poetry. i like the way we converse, and don’t talk. “do you wanna get married, or run away?”
so so much. i...
so far my twenty twelve has consisted of popasia,...
maybe i’m just paranoid, but so far .. twenty twelve, you’re not showing very much promise
i wish someone understood me. no one’s on the same page as me as this point in my life, at least in melbourne anyway.
2011: the year that i grew up
writing a reflection of the year that has passed. exactly a year ago, i recall sitting at the top of arashi park with mai and takafumi in tama, tokyo, the three of us pen to paper reflecting. after that, we went to the onsen and mai and i had intense conversations in japanese about twenty ten, twenty eleven, the future and it’s possiblities, outside in the cold winter air naked in the hot...
all we seem to do is go around in circles but
this morning i was sitting next to him on his bed watching him sleep (he wanted me to wake him up by 11) and just sitting there, i was so akldhskfhdsfhdjkkfhd you’re amazing even when you’re asleep.
i don’t know what this is, but i don’t want it to end
so, nye’s going to be a lonely night by the pool it seems. why do all of my friends have separate plans that don’t involve me? and even when they extend the invitation to me, it’s obvious that i wouldn’t fit in. i don’t know these people. where are my friends? where is my life, more like it.
there's this colour that i love, and it's as deep...
What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
everything legally.
Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i make halfhearted ones, but the real resolutions occur naturally in time.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
no.
Did anyone close to you die?
close by proximity, not by relationship. thank god.
What countries did you visit?
i was in japan until...
now i’m unconsciously trying to ruin everything i’ve made for myself. it’s like i do this things and the voice inside my head is telling me to stop, meagan, you’re fucking everything up and i just continue. completely aware of the repercussions but unable to stop myself. it’s like i can’t help but sabotage my own happiness.
this year started in the most amazing way - in...
and it’s ending on such a high note.
twenty eleven, you held so much promise. you were amazing, but kind of hit a low point around the middle. but it’s okay, the past month has been excellent. i’m so excited for the future.
merry.